5 Steps to Discovering Your Self-Worth
What do you think about when you tell yourself, “I am worthy?”
Do you believe it? Does it feel meaningless?
Or do you just don’t know what to think? What are you supposed to be thinking?
We all know self-worth is important, but how do we get it? & why is it important?
That is what we’re uncovering today, knowing your self-worth.
What is “self-worth?”
Take moment and ask yourself, what does self-worth mean to you?
To us, self-worth means knowing our place in this world, the ability to believe in oneself, not looking down on yourself, and knowing that you matter.
The first thing you need to know about self-worth is it doesn’t matter what anyone else’s definition of self-worth is, only what it means to you and how you feel when you have it.
How you know if you struggle with self-worth.
- You no longer feel worthy as a person,
- You feel you are always trying to fight your way through life.
- Constantly trying to live up to your own and other people standards.
- You feel as if you are constantly fighting off criticism from yourself and others.
- You feel you no longer have a piece of you that is strong enough to fight off negative words and thoughts that keep bringing you down.
- You have a hard time differentiating between people who are on your side from negative people intentionally trying to bring you down or make you feel something is wrong with you.
- You are in a constant state of never being good enough.
Not believing in your self-worth inflicts other areas of your thought process and your well being of life. It is a snowball effect that can cause a lot of pain.
You can feel lost, you can struggle with body image, you can struggle with trust issues, and you can feel tired and exhausted from all the pressure and pain, we can go on and on. The struggle no matter how small or big is different for everyone.
& no one person’s struggle is less important than another’s.
Not believing in your self-worth can lead you to all the wrong places and surrounded by all the wrong people.
If you are struggling with your self-worth no matter how big it feels to you or small, the most important thing you need to know is you can get your self-worth back.
So how do you start believing in yourself again?
Here are five steps you can take towards finding your self-worth again.
1. Learn to say NO.
Many of us struggle with telling others no. Ask yourself right now and write down at least three reasons why you hate saying no to people.
For us, saying no means disappointing others, hurting their feelings, worrying they might think less of us or never speak to us again, or maybe we’re afraid of the confrontation afterwards because maybe they would take it badly and lash out.
We all get to that point where we hate saying yes all the time and people begin to no longer accept “no” from you anymore.
Today we are here to give you the TRUTH.
You have EVERY right to say no. You are NOT a bad person if you say no and it does NOT make you any LESS of a person either.
If someone can’t accept a no from you, they are the one in the wrong, NOT YOU.
We get it, sometimes saying no to someone doesn’t always work, sometimes people are pushy, and they just refuse to take no for an answer.
It’s the worst and sometimes can be very tricky to know how to handle the situation. We often find ourselves giving in because it is easier to say yes rather than to handle the uncomfortable situation of their reaction when you say no. Often times, others know this about you too and will know to push you into giving in.
We’re here to give an honest solution.
Anytime you want to say no to someone you give him or her three chances.
Say no. If the first time they try to fight it off, then give them a polite second decline. For example, “My answer is still no, but I hope things work out for you.”
However, if they keep pushing and you get to a third no, then this is where you have the right to call them on it. You are not being a jerk for telling someone that their behavior is uncalled for and they are not being respectful when you have already declined them twice. You have full permission to say, “Okay, I have already said no twice. I don’t appreciate you not respecting my answer and trying to push me into something I’ve already said I cannot do. Do not ask me again.”
Don’t ever apologize for saying no and know that you NEVER have to explain, justify, or give a reason for saying no. You have full permission to say no and leave it at that.
An assertive answer is NOT a disrespectful answer.
Learning how to say no can not only help you set boundaries but also avoid getting into situations you don’t want to find yourself in. It can also help prevent others from walking all over you or taking advantage of you.
Do not be afraid to say no. It doesn’t make you a bad person; it makes you human and an even happier human. & if anyone tries to fight you on it, they are the ones in the wrong, NOT YOU.
2. Stop individualizing.
A term and concept we learned from Dr. Brene Brown.
We, as humans, individualize our struggles, meaning we feel we are alone in them.
When we are stuck in this mindset we end up believing we are the only ones with struggles and therefore are the only ones who cannot find a solution. This is a very common way of thinking and is completely normal to individualize when you are going through something.
Let us tell you, though, you are NOT ALONE. Author Elizabeth Gilbert said, “We are unique in our gifts and mundane in our flaws.”
Once you learn to take a moment to step outside of your head, zoom out, and see the whole world and how many people are out there who share your struggles, you can see with a new perspective.
If you are anything like us you see the world through loving eyes. You believe there is good in this world and you treat everyone equally. You believe that everyone in this world is equal.
Then ask yourself this, what makes you any different? What makes you the one person in this whole world that is less than everyone else?
If you treat everyone else as an equal, you are a part of this world too. You are one among many and you are just as equal as the people who surround you.
The people in this world are all equals and you are a part of this world.
You matter just as much as everyone else does. Everyone matters equally and everyone is worthy, including you.
Don’t individualize your flaws.
3. Know your own heart.
If you know who you are, then it’s easier to not let others define you. However, most us can live our whole lives and never truly know who we are or what our purpose is. So the best way to find out where you stand is to know your heart.
Know what matters most to you, an example could be defining your values. Know that your heart is good, and you will always try to be a good person and that it doesn’t matter what people perceive about you because you are staying true to your heart and what is most important to you.
Knowing your heart can also lead you to create purpose in your life. Go out and make a difference, find a way to give back to the world and this will lead you to know that you do make a difference and you are worthy in this world.
4. Become an expert.
The best way you can heal and become a stronger, better person is by continuing to learn and grow as a person. Learn all that you can. Learn everything. Become knowledgeable about self-awareness and how to read and understand others.
Discover the way the world works.
Gaining insight into self-awareness empowers you. Knowing yourself well can help you through your struggles and help prevent situations from getting worse because now you know who you are, what your triggers are, how you react to things, what you can do to feel better, what you need to heal or in moments of distress, etc. It opens the way for you to know your strengths and weaknesses. Having a lot of self-awareness helps you become a stronger person and helps you know your worth.
“Learning the way the world works can help you to read and understand others and having this ability helps prevents others from taking your self-worth and opens the way for you to recognize when others do or don’t appreciate your worth.”
Becoming an expert on yourself and your surroundings brings clarity to your self-worth and protects you so you can keep it.
5. Stand together and Create Support.
There are two parts to this last step.
The first is to join the community of women in this world who are all working towards finding their self-worth. Encourage them, support them, and be a companion so no one stands alone. Joining the community of women will lead you to find others who support you, guide you, and remind you that you are not in this fight alone. Sometimes it’s hard to believe in our own self-worth when we try to say “I’m worthy,” but when you recognize that you are a part of a community of women who are all worthy you can find peace with your own worth.
The second step is to create your own support group. Find the right people for you. Creating your own support group means finding the few people who believe in you. People you can go to when you need them most. A support group is not made of people that you can go to for everything but is made of individuals who have different strengths that can support you in their own unique ways.
Learn whom you can go to for the different struggles you have according to their ability to help you best in that situation, doing so will then create a group of people who individually can provide support in the different areas you need them in.
Having your own support group can help you with the day-to-day struggles and joining a community can help you see the bigger picture while also providing a way for you to give back.
We truly believe that after implementing this five steps into your life, new doors will be open to you to uncover your inner worth. We understand that these steps are not just ordinary steps you can take within the next week and be a changed woman overnight, but taking the time to read through these steps on days that you just don’t feel your best can be the start of helping you remember you are worthy even when you cannot see in the moment yourself. We hope these steps can help guide you to see the amazing woman you are.